The Holidays

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! It has been a couple of weeks since I blogged and frankly I have just been so busy that I haven't had a moment to collect thoughts to write down. It has been a great Christmas season and I couldn't feel more blessed by family and friends. We had an incredible women's banquet at church where 51 women came together to chat, eat, and enjoy one another's company in the presence of our King. It was alot of fun and a night I will remember for a long time. Benjamin enjoyed all kinds of activities at church and school in preparation for Christmas and we observed advent each night as a family. Slowing down enough to really focus on the true meaning of Christmas was especially important to us this year as Benjamin is really into Santa and the "stuff" he wanted for Christmas. He did get his Hot Wheels Bike from the big guy and already rides it like a champ (with training wheels of course!). He has also had a couple of crashes--I'm trying not to over react when it happens. It is natural of course for him to wreck--it's part of the process. Breathe.
Benjamin is really questioning and exploring his faith. He is thinking about things more and more and I think is starting to gain understanding about why God sent Jesus. He's at the point where he sees others' sin and points out their need for forgiveness. He hasn't quite seen his own flaws but who among us really wants to do that? However, it is exactly where we need to begin.
It definitely challenges me to look at myself. I find that I am more anxious and impatient to see our baby. I had hoped that we would have him/her by Christmas or at least know that we had been selected by an expectant mom. You can imagine the disappointment that I felt when we didn't get that call and even when I called the agency they didn't have any news they could offer. The only thing I know for sure is that they have shown our profile several times. Someone out there is contemplating adoption and has seen our faces and read our letter. The word wait is such a hard one for me. I feel like that has been the message I have received from God for almost 5 years now. We have been trying to get pregnant again since 6 weeks after Benjamin was born. I have come to grips that we will probably not enlarge our family through another pregnancy. That was hard because I so loved being pregnant. I know this adoption is what God intends for us because He planted the desire in our hearts even before I knew we would have trouble conceiving Benjamin. There is peace and excitement but also impatience. Help me Lord.
But in the meantime of waiting for our baby, I am soaking up every second with my family. I love our son and I am so honored that God gave us such a miracle.
Please pray for the birthmother and our baby.
Thanks for reading such a long blog!!

I stand in awe!

Hi everyone! I do stand in awe just as the title says. I wish I could say that I have baby news....I don't :( but I am so very excited about the 14th. We are having our 2nd annual women's banquet. Last year was a big undertaking for our little church and we had a good turnout. THis year, however, we have experienced alot of growth and there will be 48 women at this banquet. I am amazed at MY GOD!! He is awesome and so faithful. My prayer is that God will change these women's lives forever. I know He will do it.
Keep praying for the birth mother and our baby. We talked with a couple tonight who adopted 18 years ago. I have known this lady for a couple of years and had no idea what their story was--or that there was even an adoption story in their lives. God orchestrated their adoption as He does each one, and tonight served as a reminder that our time is coming. Come on baby Hill....we already love you so much!

So much to be thankful for!

Hi everyone! We had a great Thanksgiving. Probably the best ever. Benjamin was so much fun and is beginning to understand being thankful too. It was a great time with family. It was hard to believe that as Nate and I were talking we realized that the next Thanksgiving will include a new Hill in the family. We should have a baby by next year at this time and it will totally change everything....yay!!!!!
Please keep praying for the birthmom and our baby. She has such a difficult decision to make. We haven't heard anything so far but we expect God to connect us with the right mom and baby. Nate and I have dreamed of this baby and have seen "him" . In each of our dreams we saw a boy. Don't know if that is because we only know "boy" things or what but I guess we'll just see what God has in store! Thank you for your words of encouragement! Feel free to comment...hint, hint. I love to hear from you!
check out
www.agadoptions.org
We are a waiting family!

Finally on the website!

It snowed enough today to cause school to be cancelled!!! Whoo-hooo!! We had a family day and it was so nice! We, however, did not have enough snow to even throw a snowball............. but it is still early in the year!
This week we finally made it onto the agency's waiting families list. We really don't know how many moms have seen our profile yet but we have faith that just the right mom will see us and feel a connection. Thank you all for praying for us even when my blogs haven't been very frequent lately. News has just slowed down on the adoption since now we are just waiting. We have chosen names for the baby ----maybe I'll post these later and we have picked out colors for the nursery too. As we head into the holidays I am hopeful that the best present we could receive is the addition to our family. What a precious time we would have. God knows the timing though so we wait patiently.
Pray for the birth mom and our little one!!

Is it November 16th?

Not that the date is significant but wow where did this month go already? We have been so busy which I guess is to be expected as we enter the holidays. I don't have an update to offer except that we know the agency has our profile book and will show it any opportunity they have. I suppose this is the hardest part...the waiting but I guess for us it doesn't feel much different than what we have been doing for almost 5 years. As you know, we began trying to conceive again right after Benjamin was born and he will be 5 in a few months. We feel we have the waiting scene figured out:)
Anyway, here lately Benjamin has been the one with the "baby bug". He sees babies and says, "Oh look at the baby!!!" It's funny because just as we were about to find out we were actually pregnant with Benjamin years ago we kept getting little signs. On Friday, we received a sample of Pampers in the mail. Why in the world we would receive diapers I can't guess so we are taking it as another sign!! Laugh if you will but we are going to hold on to that hope!

THE HOME STUDY REPORT!!

It's November! So hard to believe! We had a great weekend and Benjamin got to trick or treat with his cousin. We got some great pics of them together and our neighborhood was very safe with all the super heroes running around!!! Today we got 2 very important reports. The first being Benjamin's first report card and the second was our home study report. EVERYONE PASSED!!!!

What a great day!

Please pray for the birthmother and our baby. We are closer now than ever!

Updates

Hi everyone! I wanted to update you on our progress. We have completed everything required of us and we are now just waiting on a mom to choose us. We have made decisions, picked names, chosen nursery themes.....we are ready for her to select us. I am currently putting together a more detailed profile book to send to the agency so they can present us to the moms they are working with. It's coming together nicely so I think the mom will be able to catch at least a glimpse of what our lives are like and how her child will fit into our family. I am looking forward to seeing our sweet baby! On Thursday we had a multi-baby shower for some of my colleagues who are expecting. There were also some newborns on hand and of course I snagged one to snuggle! I love smelling baby heads!!! Call me crazy! As I held my friend's 10 week old son, who is incredibly adorable, I felt that same longing I get for a baby. It was therapeutic in a way to hold this perfect little creation. Thank you God for babies. That afternoon I had a doctors appointment, where once again I had to hear that things for me healthwise were not so great. I haven't had a cycle since July 27th. It is difficult even in the midst of our joy in this adoption, when I have to face the reality of infertility. We had to discuss what next step to take to try to regulate cycles for me. I got home, and failed to remain strong, and broke down in tears. It is real. There are days that I am sad because the longing to bear children still exists. Adoption has never been the plan to fall back on when everything else failed so we are extremely excited about that. But there are days when Satan tries very hard to tell me I fail. So I cried for a bit.... I was sad.....BUT God is there to give us strength when we are weary. I am victorious against that enemy and even though I will not become pregnant with our next baby I AM GOING TO BE A MOM AGAIN!!!! Nate has actually been preaching about ABBA father. He chose us to be adopted into His family. We are choosing a baby AND someone else is choosing me to be that child's MOM. What a calling on my life! I have so much to be thankful for------and Satan, you are DEFEATED!!!
Please pray for the birthmom and for our baby. She has a very difficult decision to make. Also, pray for Amazing Grace Adoption Agency. They are ministering to these ladies as they make this journey. Thanks for walking with us and for praying.

Our final home study meeting!

It went great! Our social worker, as I have said before, is so easy to talk with. While she does ask alot of personal questions, we did not find this difficult. I do have to say though that we are glad to have this portion of the adoption behind us. She told us Thursday night that she will submit our official report this week and from now on we just wait to hear. We are becoming more and more excited as we wait for this precious child to enter our lives. We will sit down and meet with the birthmother and get to know her a bit. Nate and I are viewing this as a great way to minister to her and help her too as she makes a big, life-changing decision. I can't fathom the magnitude of this decision for her. Please continue to pray for her and the baby and for us. While our hearts will be blessed, her heart must be breaking. What a gift she truly is giving us.
Don't know when the call will come, but you blog readers will certainly be able to tell we've been contacted----- whenever it happens!!


Pray for our Benjamin too. He's been sick with tonsillitis. No fun for him. He is feeling better now but for awhile he didn't want to even swallow. He's a trooper though. Today we came up on a wreck while driving to my mom's house. He saw the catastrophe and immediately said, "Mom, let's pray now for the people." What a little man I have. His faith trumps mine on many days. His pure and trusting heart exhibits the faith that we all should have. He hasn't been corrupted with poor theology and man's opinion. Our prayer is that we continue to foster his faith in God is such a way that he continues to believe that each time he prays, God will answer.

Today is a special day in our family. Our nephew, and Benjamin's best friend, turned 5! In 5 months, Benjamin will join the ranks of the 5 year olds. What excitement and joy surrounds this milestone!
God is good and faithful!

Is he really just 4?

Benjamin amazed me today. Each morning when we get to school, Benjamin loves to write or draw on my whiteboard. He will usually write the latest letter or number he has learned. Today he said he was going to write the number 10. I said okay absently as I was trying to get organized for the day. He did and it was a great 10. The next thing I know he's saying, "There is another way to write a 10." I said, "Okay, do it." I looked away and while I was busy he wrote 2 5's. Then he said, "5 + 5 is 10." I whipped my head around and realized that Benjamin had written his first number sentence!!!! He is really just 4?

Another week has flown by!

Just as the title of this blog says, another week has flown by. I had a short school week due to celebrating ACSI Accreditation with my fellow teachers. We drove down to Greensboro on Thursday evening and accepted the presentation of license on Friday. It was fun to be away from the classroom for a day.
This week has been slow on the adoption front. The only progress this week has been that I have been finishing these classes that we are required to take. One in particular has been the Conspicuous Family class. It was very helpful, especially because we are likely to be just that, a conspicuous family. Nate and I each have to log 10 hours of course work towards this adoption. While not difficult and, by no means, college type credit hours it is time consuming and leads to good discussion. I have been forced to examine some of my ideals and to think about my responses when others comment about our baby or question if he/she is "REALLY" mine. WOW. Yep, this baby is going to be really ours. It's hard to imagine answering any other way. I have been adopted by my heavenly Father. I am really HIS!!!
As you have been reading about our journey and are catching a glimpse of what I'm thinking and doing, ask yourself.....are you really HIS?

Please pray for the birthmother and our baby. We meet again for the last time with our social worker on Thursday. She will interview Nate and I separately and then we won't see her again until after we have the baby home. Once we have this last meeting we wait for our baby. My heart is ready!

Gastonia-part 2

So we made it! I thought we might not, but we did. Our afternoon started with a bit of an emergency with Benjamin. Because Nate went to a Pastor's meeting yesterday, he didn't get to pick Benjamin up from school with the "early birds". Benjamin waited with me until Papa was to come and get him. However, walking back to my classroom with the fall breeze blowing something blew into his eye. Naturally, you rub it out so that's what he tried to do. In the process however he did so much more. The next thing I know he is screaming in pain and fear and he won't even let me touch him. I was helpless yet trying to do something to calm him down. At last, I just scooped him up and rushed home, calling Papa and Nate on the way to say meet at home and that there was a problem. Once there, Benjamin still didn't want us to touch him so we couldn't look at his eye. He kept his hand over it and kept saying over and over again, "This is the worst day ever!" Nate and I resorted to holding him down and prying his hand off of his eye. It was red, puffy, and watering profusely and then we realized that something else looked wrong. We couldn't see his top eyelashes....any of them. Nate pulled his eye open with Benjamin screaming to confirm our fear. His entire set of top lashes were up underneath his top lid!!! Every time he moved his eye, tried to blink, or see all he felt were his lashes scraping his eyeball and I suppose that is all he could see as well. GROSS! With the first attempt Nate got most of them out from under the lid. We gave Benjamin a break and then tried again. Success! It was awful in the midst of it, but we did get them out and once they were out he was fine. His eye stayed red and irritated but no permanent damage. WHEW! Then Nate and I were officially off to Gastonia. It was a great trip down, and about halfway there I finally came down off of my adrenaline high. We had a very open and honest conversation with our social worker and learned more about this process of adoption. She is a very sensitive lady and easy to talk with. We have just one more visit to share more about ourselves and our life and then we wait. Continue to pray for the birthmother and our baby. We want desperately for her to know Jesus' love through one of the biggest decisions of her life. it is our honor to be able to love this baby and his/her mom.

Gastonia

So tomorrow we head to Gastonia to meet with our social worker for the second time. This is the rescheduled date after our gas crisis! Nate and I are both very excited about it and ready to move ahead and that much closer to our baby. Please pray for us---for safe travel, a great visit, discernment with decisions we need to make, and for our baby. Thank you for your support and kind words! We love your comments!

Rescheduled!

Yeah! We are home from our Staff Advance. It was great and alot was accomplished plus we all had a good time together! While we were out of town we received a phone call from our social worker rescheduling our missed appointment for this coming Thursday. God made a way for us to fit it in!! While talking she said hopefully the gas situation would be over by then and I said I thought it was just about behind us. Well, she said in Gastonia/Charlotte they are out!!!!!! What?!? So, we need to pray that this "Crisis" will be over by then!
Benjamin amazed us tonight! He said that he wanted a space birthday party. He informed us it needed to have Saturn. Where did he get that?
Thank you for praying for us and the birthmother and the baby! Every day we are getting closer to meeting our new addition!

GAS SHORTAGE

Okay well, we didn't get to travel to Gastonia tonight for our 2nd meeting with the social worker. Two words...GAS SHORTAGE. Yes, I'm bummed. We had gas to get there but we were too afraid that we would not get back. Maybe we could have found gas or maybe not. I don't know but we had to be careful and make good decisions. It was hard to do and it feels that we are getting behind (At least on the surface of this situation) but really we are getting to move very quickly so what am I stressed about? We are awaiting the call to reschedule our appointment. Until then we wait!
Back to the gas shortage.....we waited 2 hours in line at the pump but we have 1 full tank of gas. Nate's car is parked until further notice. It only has fumes...fuel is about gone in her. I am constantly amazed at people especially when they are stressed out. At the pump beside us we watched two ladies cuss each other -yelling and making a scene. Over gas?!?! What in the world?
God is on His throne. I'm not worried about these things. Frustrated at times, but not worried.
Please pray for our birth mom and baby. HEALTH, SAFETY, SALVATION!!

One Down, 2 To go!!!!

WHEW!!! Things went so well tonight! Benjamin charmed our social worker and she was very warm and easy to talk with. She was very quick to want to schedule the next 2 sessions....so quick that we meet with her again tomorrow!!!!! Do you hear the excitement in my typing? It's amazing to me that we have tried and tried to become pregnant for the past 4 1/2 years and can't and when we finally say okay let's adopt and submit to the call on our lives that was placed there years before we conceived Benjamin things are flying! I asked tonight how quick could this all happen? Nate says I am too instant gratification but hey I figure if the social worker can ask all kinds of questions I can too. So....she says the last one she finished up with got the paperwork barely in and the baby was placed in the month. Come on baby!!! I'll update you all very soon. Thank you for the calls of encouragement this evening before the visit. You will never know how your words encouraged me and how we felt the prayers being lifted up for us! Keep praying for our birthmother and the baby!!! God is so very good to us!

What do I Wear?!?

Thought you all might want insight to what I'm thinking tonight as I check over my list of things I wanted to do before our home study. Tonight I've been thinking....what does one wear at a home study?!!! Sounds funny and maybe even petty I know but it is what is on my mind. Where I teach I have to dress professionally(SKIRT OR DRESS) so by 8pm on Monday night I will not want to be wearing that. I would be a bit overdressed I think! But on a normal day I would be in my jammies by then. So nope can't do that either. I do want to appear as though I care about this important visit. So, jeans and a cute top? Khakis? Who knows. I want to be comfortable...and look that way! Men have less to stress about! I don't want to be overly "complete" or too relaxed. The dilemma! Laugh with me....maybe you haven't been dealing with a home study visit but don't we all have those engagements that you just don't know how to dress? Oh well! I'm not nervous or anxious about the actual visit. I am actually very excited. Nate gave a great analogy....this visit is for the social worker to check out how healthy we are much like my OB did when we went for checkups. She won't be measuring my belly and weighing me(THANK GOD!!) but she is going to check us out. Another step closer to our little one! Thank you for praying for the birth mom and for our baby. Please don't stop lifting them both up.

Benjamin is doing great at school! He is writing all kinds of letters and if we spell words for him he can write them too! It's amazing to watch how fast he learns and picks up on things. Where has the time gone? Tonight while watching tv together as a family, I asked him if he wanted a "baby massage." This was something I did with him from the time he was about 3 weeks old. I have always used the same lotion and when I smell it my mind is filled with wonderul memories of rubbing his chubby little legs and arms. I haven't done this in months with him-unfortunately he is usually "Too BUSY" for this kind of thing. Tonight my heart melted when he said yes!!! I thank God for these moments. They are treasures that I hold in my heart and will hold there forever. It's such a two sided coin. I want to see him grow up and then again....I don't......
Before we go to sleep tonight, Nate and I will slip into his room as we do every night to check on him one more time. Tonight he'll smell like our special lotion.....and I'll remember.

Home Study!

We got a call today from our case worker to schedule our home study visit! I was surprised to get a call so quickly. We were told in the next 2 weeks we should hear something but that was just on Thursday so when we got the call today we were ecstatic! We are scheduled to meet with her on Monday the 22nd. We are getting closer to our dream! Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to pray for our birthmother and baby!

It's There!!!

We got a call today around 4:30 that our last paperwork was received and that we should hear from our social worker in the next 2 weeks!!!! God is so good and I feel like our cup overflows! Nate left his job for the last time today as he is now fulltime at Breakthrough. It has been a long road but God has been with us every step. He is Jehovah Jireh--God our provider. Tuesday night our women's ministry Desire met together to pray as we do each month. We had an incredible time and really felt "breakthrough" this week as we prayed. Sure enough, the very next day one of the ladies received answer to her prayers. How can you question that God is in control and WANTS to work in our lives? He does and He cares about every situation-whether big or small. Nothing is impossible for God. Our lives are a testimony!
Pray with us for the birthmother and our baby. We are closer than ever to our dreams coming true. We want her to know she is loved by an Almighty God!!!!

It's On Its Way!!

I mailed the last of our paperwork today!!! It should arrive tomorrow by certified mail and everything will be on the move! It's exciting that we are that much closer. God has shown His faithfulness this weekend. Trust is such a big and hard word but the word He kept saying over and over to us. Why is that so hard to do? Trust? I think it's because we can never completely trust humans and we tend to give God human characteristics when we shouldn't and so we don't trust Him either. He is God-we trust Him with our salvation but we struggle with the daily things. It doesn't make sense. I am trying very hard to learn to trust Him fully and when He shows us how trustworthy He really is my faith is stirred and I give Him more of myself and my worries. It feels good to know that this adoption is continuing to move forward. We prayed that God would carry the packet to Raleigh for us and put it into their hands and that it would be assigned to a case worker quickly. We have a home study to complete and then we wait until God brings the birthmother and baby into our lives. Please pray with us for her and for our baby. They both need protection, love, and health. Thank you for agreeing with us!

Our Benjamin is so into school and all the new things he's learning. It is so fun to watch him grow. There are bumps along the way and we are harnessing some of his little boy energy into more productive means of expressing oneself, but he is loving it and we are so thankful to be given this opportunity to be his parents!!

God's Timing

I haven't had the chance to blog in a few days. Grading papers has taken much of my time and of course compiling all of the paperwork for this adoption. We had hoped to get the packet in the mail this week. Things just don't go fast enough for me sometimes and I have to stop and remind myself that this is all in God's timing. I like to get ahead of Him so many times. After Nate had his physical we thought we would have the form completed and send off everything but they had to do a Tuberculosis test which can't be read for a few days. He didn't get to return for the reading until Friday and that pushed us behind "my" schedule. I felt myself getting anxious about this- but why? A few more days is nothing compared to the 4 1/2 years we've been trying to conceive. So, long story short---we'll send off the packet this week. God's timing has always been best and I have been witness to that in so many situations in my life. I do not know why I can't accept this, or at least remember it so I don't put myself through the anxiety and frustration. I have to stop and laugh at myself because it is ridiculous and I guess just another curse from the FALL. A friend and I joke that before we get into heaven we are going to call Eve outside the pearly gates and have a "talk" with her. There sure are a few things I would like to say to her!! I say all of that in jest.....

God help me when I can't get over my "PLAN" to see YOURS!!!
To those of you who have been so faithful to pray for us, please continue to pray for the birthmother: her health, her salvation, her emotional well-being, her decision making, and this precious baby---our gift from GOD

This is the Week!

This is the week we will send off all the official work of our "paperwork pregnancy!!!" We have been asssembling everything since we received acceptance by the agency. This is something that takes alot of time and now we are almost done. Nate has his physical tomorrow and then we will be able to mail everything off. Thanks to those of you who helped us with reference letters and words of encouragement. Once we complete all of this paperwork we will have our home study and then we wait for the placement, which in family terms, our baby to be become ours!! I have already had dreams about this baby. Funny how the baby is always a girl:) We didn't specify a gender or race so we will be somewhat surprised. Please keep praying for the birthmother and her health and of course our baby.

In other news.....Breakthrough will be celebrating its official 1 year anniversary this weekend! (Sept. 7th) What an incredible year! I encourage you to join us (see the blog list to get more info). Nate is about to step away completely from his secular job that he has worked since we began the church. He has been so faithful and hardworking and now even though it may be tight some months for us, he is going to be fulltime at BWOC!! Praise God!

Where's the Festival?

Tonight we took Benjamin to the Labor Day festival. He was into watching the people and the music but he looked up and said "Mom, where's the festival?" We had to giggle! Standing there on main street listening to a big band and watching Benjamin dance around to the music was just a small pleasure to enjoy. It's in these moments that we can pause and savor the pure joy of life. Was it a night full of blockbuster entertainment with all the whistles and bells? No! But in the small town celebration we had a great family time. Why do we not have more of these?
Benjamin is growing up and there are times when he says the most profound statements and then there are moments like tonight when Benjamin's balloon untied from his wrist and floated off that we were reminded (thankfully!) that he is still a little boy too. He was heartbroken to watch the white balloon float away and the tears that fell were only dried by receiving yet another balloon! We can't help but look into his big blue eyes and adore him. What a gift he is!

We are still hot on the adoption trail too! Paperwork takes time as we all know but we have about collected all of the items and we will be sending everything in next week! Beyond that we will have a home study and then we wait. Please remember the birth mother and this precious baby when you pray for us. We would love to share, if she doesn't already know, the gift of adoption into God's family through Jesus Christ. We, as Christians, are all adopted! Thank you for your prayers!

A Poem

This poem was sent to me by a dear friend. I thought it truly captures the nature of this journey we are on. Thanks for sending it to me!! I hope that you all will enjoy it as much as I do!
Once there were two women,who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,the other you call Mother.
One became your guiding star,the other became your sun.
The first one gave you life,And the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love,the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,the other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent,the other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,the other dried your tears.
One sought for you a home that she could not provide,the other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.
And now you ask me through your tears,the age old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of.
Neither my darling, neither, just two different kinds of love.
author unknown

WHEW!

First day of school......new shoes $35, new backpack with a compass on the zipper pull $14, cheese and mayonnaise sandwich (yuck!) $2, watching Benjamin walk into his pre-k class all smiles......PRICELESS!
It was a great beginning to the school year. Thank you God for giving us all the grace to not only "make it through" but to actually enjoy the moment. These moments, in the words of one our favorite Christian artists-Steven Curtis Chapman- are moments "made for worshipping". God is on His throne and He gave us this beautiful gift.
My first days of school were equally exciting and I'm blessed with the opportunity to teach a great group of kids.

Today Nate went to take care of some of the paperwork we are completing for the adoption. He had to visit the courthouse to get copies of our marriage license and birth certificates. Just that much closer to our baby! If you are reading this we ask that you say a prayer for the birthmother-that she will have courage and be blessed with health and peace of mind as she carries our baby. Of course, pray for that little life that God is molding and making into His image. We are so excited ---did I say that already???? to meet this child. Thanks for walking this journey with us!

Paperwork!

We're doing paperwork.......enough said! Everyday we are getting closer to meeting our little one! Thank you for your comments and wonderful words of encouragement. Your prayers and support carry us.
Tomorrow is a big day for our big boy! Benjamin starts preschool tomorrow and he is so excited but a bit anxious. We have been trying to prepare him for this change without making him nervous. Nate and I are excited to see what he says about his first day. Benjamin keeps telling others that he is looking forward to the loft in his classroom and the playground. All the important things about school!

Anticipation

Today was exciting as we shared our news of adoption with our church family. They celebrated and cried happy tears with us and it was such a memorable moment. They are anticipating this new arrival like we are and to be able to have special people around us to share in our excitement is priceless and makes this so much more fun for us. Thank you for sharing in our fun and the blessing of understanding that as Christians we are adopted into God's family. Earthly adoption is a great representation of what Christ has done for us. We know this baby is going to be such a beautiful gift and one that will be loved by so many wonderful people that we call family!

Paper Pregnancy!!

Yesterday was an exciting day for Nate, Benjamin, and me! You may be wondering about the title of this blog so I'll just jump in. We are expecting an adoption!!!! Those of you who know us know that we have struggled with infertility since 2002. After many tests and needle sticks and ultrasounds my doctor had finally determined that I have PCOS. Not knowing anyone else with this condition, I was overwhelmed with the fact that I might not ever be able to conceive a baby. I became depressed but still pushed forward and didn't share what we were dealing with with anyone except close family. It was a very lonely time and Satan whispered the words "failure" in my heart constantly. There were many times that I believed him and bought into his lies. Never once did Nate see me as a failure but I seemed to carry the guilt around everywhere. After time and through the Grace of God, I began to share what we were going through with a few others. Some were helpful and others weren't-saying you've got plenty of time to keep trying. These words of course were not helpful when my doctor was saying if we can't get you to ovulate you can't get pregnant. I was in a deep hole and so frustrated. At my darkest hour after sharing a day with friends who gave birth on February 28, 2003 I was broken. Nate had gone for an overnight prayer time with the men's ministry in our church and as you know when you are alone that is when the depression comes on strong. In tears I called my mom just to hear another voice and we talked about how I felt. She gave me a verse Psalm 113:9 saying that God had given it to her earlier in the week. It was somewhat comforting and I made it through the night. Nate came home the next day and we talked about his time away. He ended up confessing that he shared our situation and requested prayer for me especially. I was a bit embarrassed because it had been such a private thing but what he said next put all of those thoughts aside. He said that our friend and Associate Pastor had given him a verse....Psalm 113:9. God was speaking so clearly and we grasped onto His promise of children. I had hope again. July 8, 2003 we discovered I was pregnant!!! My due date.....March 1, 2004. Almost 1 year from the night we received those verses. Benjamin was born March 12, 2004 and when we look at him we know that he is our promise and miracle and evidence of healing.

We've always wanted a large family but because PCOS has delayed conception, we are "behind" schedule-at least my schedule of things!! Since Benjamin was born we have been trying again to conceive. After 4 years, our doctor says that unless we want to go through In vitro we are probably not going to conceive. My body just doesn't respond to fertility medication and we are not comfortable with the in vitro process. We've always known adoption was in our future, even before we learned I had a problem. We used to say that once we had our biological children we would adopt. Well, after several months of intense prayer we feel that God has called us to adopt NOW! So, we have been researching many agencies-domestic vs. international, Christian vs. secular agencies, in-state vs. out-of-state, and on and on. God directed us to an agency that we feel is the perfect fit for us and we submitted our application. Yesterday we received the confirmation that we have been approved and are on the waiting list. The only thing between us and our baby is the home study now! So, we are pregnant!!! We don't know timeframes but we do know that God has a birthmother out there either pregnant now or about to conceive that will choose us. We already pray for her and this baby and can't wait to hold the miracle God is giving us. This blog will be a place for us to share our journey-hopefully to encourage others and to invite others to celebrate with us. We are excited and God is good!

School's In

Well, it's that time again. It's so hard to believe that I am about to start a brand new school year again. While there have been some changes this year from last year, many things are still the same. I will once again be teaching 5th grade-which I love. I'm thrilled to have a smaller class size-only 15! Benjamin will be at school with me this year. We've had so much fun getting him ready for Preschool. I think it was more fun for me to go buy his school supplies than it was for him, although he was very excited about getting a backpack! I remember those days of getting just the right items. I look at him and can't believe he is old enough to be starting school like this but he is. Nate and I are anticipating a great year for him and are praying for his teacher and his relationships that he forms in his class. Foundations are so important and we want him to have a love for learning.
After a great week at our church's Kids Krusade (VBS with a twist), Benjamin has started asking questions about baptism and is wanting to talk more about Jesus on the cross. He told us that Jesus is in our hearts. He's definitely gaining more understanding and Nate and I can't wait for him to ask Jesus into his heart. He amazed us when he said that if another kid falls on the playground he will stop and pray for them. Children at Breakthrough are getting it! Their faith will far surpass ours!

What is a Blog Anyway....

Hi everyone! I'm on my maiden voyage of blogging! Everyone's doing it so why not me too? I hope this will reconnect us with our friends scattered all over and also give you "Just a glimpse" into our lives. Nate and I lead very busy lives but we love where we live, what we do, and the family God has given us. I am looking forward to sharing with you all the things God has done in our lives and what He continues to do. So welcome along on our journey!