Paper Pregnancy!!

Yesterday was an exciting day for Nate, Benjamin, and me! You may be wondering about the title of this blog so I'll just jump in. We are expecting an adoption!!!! Those of you who know us know that we have struggled with infertility since 2002. After many tests and needle sticks and ultrasounds my doctor had finally determined that I have PCOS. Not knowing anyone else with this condition, I was overwhelmed with the fact that I might not ever be able to conceive a baby. I became depressed but still pushed forward and didn't share what we were dealing with with anyone except close family. It was a very lonely time and Satan whispered the words "failure" in my heart constantly. There were many times that I believed him and bought into his lies. Never once did Nate see me as a failure but I seemed to carry the guilt around everywhere. After time and through the Grace of God, I began to share what we were going through with a few others. Some were helpful and others weren't-saying you've got plenty of time to keep trying. These words of course were not helpful when my doctor was saying if we can't get you to ovulate you can't get pregnant. I was in a deep hole and so frustrated. At my darkest hour after sharing a day with friends who gave birth on February 28, 2003 I was broken. Nate had gone for an overnight prayer time with the men's ministry in our church and as you know when you are alone that is when the depression comes on strong. In tears I called my mom just to hear another voice and we talked about how I felt. She gave me a verse Psalm 113:9 saying that God had given it to her earlier in the week. It was somewhat comforting and I made it through the night. Nate came home the next day and we talked about his time away. He ended up confessing that he shared our situation and requested prayer for me especially. I was a bit embarrassed because it had been such a private thing but what he said next put all of those thoughts aside. He said that our friend and Associate Pastor had given him a verse....Psalm 113:9. God was speaking so clearly and we grasped onto His promise of children. I had hope again. July 8, 2003 we discovered I was pregnant!!! My due date.....March 1, 2004. Almost 1 year from the night we received those verses. Benjamin was born March 12, 2004 and when we look at him we know that he is our promise and miracle and evidence of healing.

We've always wanted a large family but because PCOS has delayed conception, we are "behind" schedule-at least my schedule of things!! Since Benjamin was born we have been trying again to conceive. After 4 years, our doctor says that unless we want to go through In vitro we are probably not going to conceive. My body just doesn't respond to fertility medication and we are not comfortable with the in vitro process. We've always known adoption was in our future, even before we learned I had a problem. We used to say that once we had our biological children we would adopt. Well, after several months of intense prayer we feel that God has called us to adopt NOW! So, we have been researching many agencies-domestic vs. international, Christian vs. secular agencies, in-state vs. out-of-state, and on and on. God directed us to an agency that we feel is the perfect fit for us and we submitted our application. Yesterday we received the confirmation that we have been approved and are on the waiting list. The only thing between us and our baby is the home study now! So, we are pregnant!!! We don't know timeframes but we do know that God has a birthmother out there either pregnant now or about to conceive that will choose us. We already pray for her and this baby and can't wait to hold the miracle God is giving us. This blog will be a place for us to share our journey-hopefully to encourage others and to invite others to celebrate with us. We are excited and God is good!