So close....

So, on Monday we got the news that the mom we had been shown to decided to parent. Disappointment. But God restores. By the end of the week I was feeling strong again. Friday, the 3rd, mom, Benjamin, and I were shopping for our 4th celebration at church and I got the strangest call. The agency that we had been in contact with earlier in the week was calling asking if they could show our profile to a mom who had chosen a family but they had backed out of the deal. The mom was in labor as they were calling me and she didn't know that the family had chosen not to take the baby. My heart almost stopped. I couldn't believe that we might actually be getting our baby. So we immediately said yes, had a long conversation about the mom and dad of the baby, then we waited to hear back from the agency. The mom ended up with a c-section and a little boy. He is about a month early so he went straight to the nicu to be checked out. The social worker would be breaking the news to the mom and then showing our profile as well as another family's profile so she could choose. We were told we should hear something the next day. So, on Saturday the 4th after a very restless night we waited AND hosted Be Free at church. Finally word came. In my mind I was already making arrangements to travel, the baby would be ours on Monday according to that state's law, and I was trying all the while not to get my hopes up. However.......the birthmom who wants an open adoption, as do we, wanted the family to still live in her state. We do not. So as the email read, "_______ loves you but chose the family that lives here instead." Disappointment #2. 2 in one week. This news came as the festivities at church were in full swing. I went into autopilot and finished the day. But inside I was heartbroken again. No, neither of these babies were ever really ours but we were told with each one that the birthmom liked us. The agency each time were pretty certain that we would be chosen. But there is that human factor and we just don't know what a person will choose when push comes to shove. We weren't chosen. Today as I write this, I have not really emotionally recovered. We were so close....but not our time. I told Nate today as we drove to church that it is amazing that in one choice our hearts were broken but another family's dreams came true. And I know that when our time comes when our dreams are made reality it will probably break another family's heart to not be chosen. So, once again I am asking you to pray for all of these people we have known about in the past 3 weeks and more than anything please pray for OUR baby and his/her birthmom. I know God has promised and He holds the time in His hands. I can't figure out why this has happened this way. Why we have had 2 disappointments, why both of them happened within days of one another. It is so discouraging. But I have hope.......as Believers in the ONE TRUE GOD, we all have hope......