It's a No

Doesn't sound too promising of a title does it? Well, I guess maybe it's not. I had wanted to be able to write that Shaohannah's Hope, the non-profit where we applied for an adoption grant, had granted us money. We received a letter of regret yesterday in the mail---disappointment---yes. While I know that God is our Provider and He alone knows what is best for us, this to me seemed like it would be what He would choose. Our hopes were high since we had made it to the second round, so to receive a no was a huge let down. Through this, as through much of the past 8 years, God has reminded me that His ways are not my ways. I love that and I hate that. My ways are the only "ways" I understand and get to control. I want my ways to line up more and more with His ways. When they don't it's not that I am disappointed in God -I'm disappointed in me. Maybe none of that makes sense. All I know is that God is God. If I were God I would have made a mess of things long ago, so I trust Him. It's my impatience and frustration and instant gratification personality that get in the way. Help me Lord, with that one. So, grant money will not come from that avenue but my Father has more riches than I can imagine. He is in control. He has chosen the right baby for our family and He will provide for that precious child and for us. I just can't wait until we get the "yes" after having so many years of "no". Pray with me for this baby, for its birth mom, and for Amazing Grace Adoptions as they minister, discern, and place children into forever homes.